Writing Practice – 4/8/2018

Inspired by Ursula K. Le Guin, Finding My Elegy, p 47.

Between us

is neither forgiveness

nor reparation

but only the sea waves, the sea wind.

 

Between us is a gulf

a vastness

a distance compounded by time,

that destroys consciousness with pity.

 

Between us is

nothing,

for we are bonded like ionic or

covalence or convalescents,

In a place not of our choosing,

surrounded by life not of our design.

 

Between us is

a rift, years old and fights wide,

stretched with each faint slight,

Deepened with each perceived snub,

Darkened with each impassioned plea for reconnection,

because of feelings of duty, an honor, and hobligation.

 

Between us is

a coffee table, with

two coffee cups, and

twelve ounces of coffee, and

three lumps of sugar in one,

and a dash of honey and two

creams in the other,

and two coasters, round, woven of some

brown wood-like material, gently

warming under the influence of

the mugs, and

two spoons, dripping, slowly dripping,

tendrils down their curved undersides

to pool on the ceramic surface of the table, and

a handful of napkins, unused, and

six minutes worth of tears, and

the unrealized expectations you

have now deposited upon that ceramic surface, seemingly designed for only this purpose, to comfort you, to catch your fall, to hold you up after I’ve done the incomprehensible, the unimaginable, the terrible, and told you I can’t have a baby with you, I won’t have a baby with you,

I already had a pregnancy with

you and I don’t any more.

10 thoughts on “Writing Practice – 4/8/2018

  1. This is good. What does it mean to you? I like your use of scientific terms. I am struggling with understanding the second part.

    Like

  2. Not sure if it “means” anything to me. It means that I spent some time thinking, and clearing my mind, and allowing whatever bubbled up through the subconscious to simply sit on the page, without revision (“hobligation”), as fresh and raw as it came. The fact that some of the words are big and scientific means that I’ve read widely, I’ve filled my subconscious with lots of different experiences, and this wonderful, incomprehensible brain of mine sorted through those myriad connections to find parallels where they might not have otherwise been.

    But – I’m more interested in what this means to you. Other than “like”, does this evoke images within your mind? Does it help you recall a specific moment? Does it make your stomach flutter? Do you get the urge to throw something at your screen when you reach the end?

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  3. It speaks to me of love and fear. Torture and resentment for being uncontrolled weakness. It is judgemental and from the point of view of someone who seems condescending. Someone who does not finish what they start because of fear. Someone on a journey to find themselves and blatantly hurting others in the process. Reminds me of someone who considers themselves the “victim” so they have a way out. Reminds me of my oldest son, Luke.

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    1. pertaining to myself, it makes me feel unsettled. Like someone has taken advantage of someone. Like someone who may say or do something with little regret for another person because they feel they are above people. Sociopathic perhaps. Numb. Careless with peoples emotions. It hurts.

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      1. Impact strongly? Was not that your intention? Do you feel what you write? I write and sometimes my paper is wet with tears of sadness or tears of joy. I get so angry I break my pen. I laugh and sometimes I scare myself. I do not write unless I can feel something. Why else would anyone even pick up a pen? I read your LOVE 1-10…..Is this true, is it what you believe? Or are these all just words that you think sound good together SJ

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  4. Allowing myself time to think, here is what I came to…….someone who sees relationships as cost-benefit or risk-benefit analysis. They are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves because they are telling themselves no one is worthy. Someone who is perhaps questioning their sexuality or purpose. Someone who was sexually abused and enjoyed it or hid it. Someone who gaslights in relationships because of their own short comings. A red-pilled separatist who has no identity, but wants to be someones god.

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  5. The writer is describing a relationship. Which was only based on sexual desire and codependence . She/he felt like their feelings and needs were more important than the other persons . She/he broke the others heart. Because she/he was afraid of sharing their life with another afraid of taking risks. She/he felt that their current situation was more important because of a promise. They were opposites that were drawn together by something lustful, perhaps unhealthy. They have nothing left between them but passionate dark remberances and hard times that were bittersweet. As the reader gets to the end it is realized that it is a man talking about a woman. One whom he felt was perhaps hypergamous. There is a lot there. At the same time there is nothing.
    This is heartbreaking. He thought his needs and wants superceded hers. Trying to find himself…… he didn’t and doesn’t care about her. He couldn’t see a future with her because of his own shortcomings. Which he shoved off onto her. Perhaps to make her crazy, to ruin her, to kill her. The life he had inside of him is dead. He refuses to live life except through obligation and responsibility. She was notch in his inexperienced belt. There is a lot of pain here. Selfish. Righteous. Self-righteous. I love it and hate it.

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