Extremely Bad Advice: Ungrateful Neighbor

Dear SJ:

We welcomed new neighbors and allowed them to use our garbage can until they got one, and gave them a bottle of wine and a housewarming card. 

We also offered to let them use our downstairs bathroom until the contractor finished theirs. No one else on the block did anything for them. Nothing.

Then they invited a neighbor and his wife over for drinks and didn’t invite us. My husband says I shouldn’t be offended by this. What do you think?

— Snubbed in the South

Nosey Neighbor

Dear Snubbed,

What do I think? I think you’re a selfish old shrew who wouldn’t know neighborly behavior if it jumped up out of the sewer and bit you in your wrinkled ass. 

And I’m not talking about those in your neighborhood who either did or didn’t do anything for your new next-doors, or that same new next-door who didn’t “pay you back” for your hospitality earlier.

I’m talking about you, you misguided misanthrope (it’s a real word) who thinks you’re only going to do something if you can profit from the situation. You want to be a good neighbor and offer to let the new guys use your garbage can and your bathroom? Great. Do it. Don’t expect anything in return. You want to offer a gift of a bottle of wine and a housewarming card? Great. Do it. Don’t expect anything in return. That’s what being a good neighbor is. Not reciprocating or expecting something in the future.

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